anxious much?
Aug 16 2005 09:31 AM filed in: on pins &
needles
Gah - I can
tell I'm getting anxious about this upcoming IVF
cycle because I'm having bad dreams already.
Last night - more accurately, some time around four o'clock this morning - I dreamed I was in Connecticut for M's wedding. Because it's horribly inconvenient to take all my meds, needles, etc. with me when I travel, it's only natural that I'm supposed to start my injections that weekend.
In my dream, I was getting things ready for the wedding when I remembered I had to take my first injection in the morning. Then I realised - in a panic - that all my meds were still in Buffalo. It was Saturday night - no chance G could overnight them to me. Obviously I couldn't go home to get them & be back in time for the wedding. So I started to panic.
Do you ever have that dream where you find yourself in an emergency & need to get someone on the phone quickly, but no matter how carefully you dial, you get the number wrong? G thinks I'm nuts, so apparently he's never had this dream, but I have it all the time. Sometimes the phone skips a number and sometimes I misdial the last digit - either way, I have to hang up & redial. Over and over and over. Usually I get through in the end - but then I wake up.
In any case, I decided to phone my doctor's office. Surely the on-call nurse would be able to help me out, even after hours. After dialing & dialing - because this was one of those dreams - I finally got through. But for some reason dialing the office number - which would connect to the answering service in the real world - connected directly to my doctor's home in my bizarro dream world. And suddenly, it was two in the morning, and I'd woken the doctor's wife from a sound sleep.
Of course I woke up before I was able to talk to the doctor, so I will never know whether dream-me was able to get her meds in time.
Last time I was in the office - late last spring - I overheard one of the nurses say, "She forgot to take her injection last night..." I remember cringing on behalf of my anonymous fellow patient - how mortified she must have been to have forgotten something so important, and how upset she must have been to have caused a setback in her treatment. My fear with all of this is that it won't work - but an even bigger fear is that it won't work because I screwed something up.
And thus begins a month and a half of heart-pounding anxiety lurking beneath my calm façade...
Last night - more accurately, some time around four o'clock this morning - I dreamed I was in Connecticut for M's wedding. Because it's horribly inconvenient to take all my meds, needles, etc. with me when I travel, it's only natural that I'm supposed to start my injections that weekend.
In my dream, I was getting things ready for the wedding when I remembered I had to take my first injection in the morning. Then I realised - in a panic - that all my meds were still in Buffalo. It was Saturday night - no chance G could overnight them to me. Obviously I couldn't go home to get them & be back in time for the wedding. So I started to panic.
Do you ever have that dream where you find yourself in an emergency & need to get someone on the phone quickly, but no matter how carefully you dial, you get the number wrong? G thinks I'm nuts, so apparently he's never had this dream, but I have it all the time. Sometimes the phone skips a number and sometimes I misdial the last digit - either way, I have to hang up & redial. Over and over and over. Usually I get through in the end - but then I wake up.
In any case, I decided to phone my doctor's office. Surely the on-call nurse would be able to help me out, even after hours. After dialing & dialing - because this was one of those dreams - I finally got through. But for some reason dialing the office number - which would connect to the answering service in the real world - connected directly to my doctor's home in my bizarro dream world. And suddenly, it was two in the morning, and I'd woken the doctor's wife from a sound sleep.
Of course I woke up before I was able to talk to the doctor, so I will never know whether dream-me was able to get her meds in time.
Last time I was in the office - late last spring - I overheard one of the nurses say, "She forgot to take her injection last night..." I remember cringing on behalf of my anonymous fellow patient - how mortified she must have been to have forgotten something so important, and how upset she must have been to have caused a setback in her treatment. My fear with all of this is that it won't work - but an even bigger fear is that it won't work because I screwed something up.
And thus begins a month and a half of heart-pounding anxiety lurking beneath my calm façade...
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