another small step...
Jun 12 2007 10:56 PM filed in: bringing home
baby
I just
finished my autobiography. I'll be dropping it off -
along with G's - at the agency tomorrow.
I could make all sorts of excuses about why it took me so damn long to finish it - busy with work, busy with things around the house with G's recently hectic travel schedule, and a million other things - but they'd all be lies. The truth is, I've been worried about a million little things that have no bearing at all on what sort of parent I'll be, and my brain simply wouldn't let me string the words together until I'd gotten those things out of the way.
None of those things has actually gone away, mind. Well, except that I did do a thorough spring housecleaning so that before our home visit I'll just have to do a "normal" cleaning. My house is still a living construction zone. Our washroom won't be finished any time soon (we've decided to put it off a while longer so that we're not drowning in debt when we do have a placement). The "baby's room" is almost finished, but it's going to be another month or so before it's actually done. I still have to pull together all the photos we need for our profile.
But I've made peace with the fact that things aren't going to be "perfect." My friend H helped me to see this. She told me the story of her child's birth, and her decision to place her with a couple - and how she chose the couple, which was probably the most important part of her story to me personally, because it made me understand that somewhere out there is someone who will think G and I are the "right" parents for her baby, and when that happens she won't care that my washroom isn't finished or that my house is a work in progress. She'll just care that we're the people she wants to be the parents of her baby.
Sometimes, "good enough" is perfect. Right now, things are good enough. And I'm ready to go ahead with this.
I could make all sorts of excuses about why it took me so damn long to finish it - busy with work, busy with things around the house with G's recently hectic travel schedule, and a million other things - but they'd all be lies. The truth is, I've been worried about a million little things that have no bearing at all on what sort of parent I'll be, and my brain simply wouldn't let me string the words together until I'd gotten those things out of the way.
None of those things has actually gone away, mind. Well, except that I did do a thorough spring housecleaning so that before our home visit I'll just have to do a "normal" cleaning. My house is still a living construction zone. Our washroom won't be finished any time soon (we've decided to put it off a while longer so that we're not drowning in debt when we do have a placement). The "baby's room" is almost finished, but it's going to be another month or so before it's actually done. I still have to pull together all the photos we need for our profile.
But I've made peace with the fact that things aren't going to be "perfect." My friend H helped me to see this. She told me the story of her child's birth, and her decision to place her with a couple - and how she chose the couple, which was probably the most important part of her story to me personally, because it made me understand that somewhere out there is someone who will think G and I are the "right" parents for her baby, and when that happens she won't care that my washroom isn't finished or that my house is a work in progress. She'll just care that we're the people she wants to be the parents of her baby.
Sometimes, "good enough" is perfect. Right now, things are good enough. And I'm ready to go ahead with this.
Bookmark: ...